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Last Updated:
Tue, 27 May 2014, 20:56 GMT
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How does one continue living after the death of a loved one?

How does one continue living after their spouse has passed away, having had so many good years of devoted love to each other? How can the emptyness be filled? The time passes so slowly and the desire to live can be lost.  What is the best way to get back to happy living?

Frank 

by Jenni Camplin
on 05 Nov, 2007

Dear Frank

You do not say how long ago it was that you lost your spouse or the circumstances surrounding the loss. These details are important as they can impact how you are feeling. Usually a loss such as yours is experienced as a trauma or wound and like all wounds it takes time to heal. It needs to undergo nature's healing cycle. After the initial shock there comes a feeling of numbness and and this might be accompanied by a kind of searching; why me? why now? could I have done anything differently? Like all healing processes you need to allow the whole cycle to be experienced, no skipping any part of it. A mixture of weeping and raging, feelings of despair and emptiness memories which are idealised rather than real, all of these are normal and natural. Like any cycle you may go round it many times until you can start to remember your loved one in a more real less idealsied way and then maybe start to integrate the experience let it be part of who you are rather than ALL of who you are. This process can last for a long time but those who resist it may get stuck along the way and never recover their trauma. Please don't try to hurry your healing cycle and trust that it is very painful BUT the pain will be less as you allow yourself the feelings  of loss. Talking to a counsellor may help you understand the need to allow your grief and not expect to 'get over it' before you are ready. I hope this was useful for you.

Kind Regards

Jenni Camplin 

by Jan Barton
on 05 Nov, 2007
View Therapist Qualifications
I really feel for you Frank, but please know that people out here do care.  I am sitting with my Dad who is 87 today.  My Mum died 2 years ago this Christmas and they were just coming up to their 60th Wedding Anniversary.  I never thought he would recover from his loss.  He's a very quiet man and finds it difficult to show his emotions.  At 54 I had never seen him cry before Mum died.  He is becoming much stronger now and beginning to make his own decisions, rather that what Mum would have done.  Do cry Frank - its OK to do that and it is extremely healing and one day you won't cry any more and will laugh at the wonderful tiimes you had and hopefully the pain will ease and life will shine for you again.  Very best wishes.  Jan

Jenni Camplin's Qualifications:-

Personal Experience Although I run a general practice I specialise in emotional, stress and pain related issues. I have extensive experience working with cancer patients and all issues which surround their cancer journey, both physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I run 'Birthing with Hypnosis' and Weight Management Programmes. Whether you want to stop smoking, deal with a habit or phobia or just need to deal with or change something in your life which is stopping you from moving forward, hypnotherapy could help you make those changes.
Personal Qualifications None
Medical Degrees None
Medical licenses None
Accreditations and Certificates Diploma and Post Graduate Diploma with the London College of Clincial Hypnosis. I also have ITEC qualifications in Reflexology, Aromatherapy and Diet and Nutrition. I am also a Reiki Master Practitioner.
Is a Member of the following Associations Diplomate Member of the British Society of Clinical Hypnosis Member of the Independent Professional Therapists International

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