Are you are in a relationship where you are experiencing the following?
In the beginning the person thinks you are perfect and professes love for you that they have "never felt before for anyone" They alternate between this state and rage at you. When they are in the rage state you rationalize their behavior by telling yourself how loving and adoring they can be and your longing for that keeps you in the relationship. They will give you just enough of that to keep you around. That adoring behavior is very powerful and addictive because they have an uncanny ability to read you and therefore can make you feel "seen" maybe for the first time in your life.
The other person demands that you to put aside your needs to tend to their needs and no matter how much you give, it's never enough. Then they criticize you for not doing enough to fulfill their needs using verbal assaults belittling, screaming, threatening, humiliating you. They use fear to control you threatening to end the relationship . You start to feel helpless and trapped.
Being constantly put down and accused of doing things you never did, yet when you try to leave the relationship they will try to keep you there by declaring love or threatening you.
You can never plan or count on social engagements because the person will change the plan or refuse to go at the last minute.
The other person reacts differently at different times to the same behavior that you exhibit.
Emotional abuse is like brainwashing- it systematically wears away the victim's sense of self worth, and trust in their perceptions. If this feels like your relationship, please get the help of a therapist who is experienced in dealing with this.
By Susan Quinn , Psychotherapist and Life Coach
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