Thank you for reviewing my question. I am in a very committed relatonship with my girlfriend of 6 months. We've probably lived together for 5 of those and love each other very much. I am 23 and she's about to be the same age. She is bipolar with anxiety and we have had to work through a lot of emotions together, but we always work out our problems and lately she has been more stable. We are open about sex and have decided to wait for one another while having sex (ie no masturbation before), however on average most of our relationship we have typically been going 1 1/2- 2 weeks between each time. This stresses me out immensely and she's mentioned it bothering her before too, but when I try to initiate I always get shut down. What can I do? I give her full body massages, surprise her with flowers, and tell her how beautiful she is and how bad I want her, but nothing changes. I'm so full of desire! I don't want to resent her and I've talked to her about this in loving ways and straightforward ways, but I can't get through. I love her and will do what it takes to make things work, but what can I do? She says there's no problems between us. Lately, she's been a little sick, but not too bad, and our sex life has been this way for awhile. I suggested we schedule a time for it if it's busyness, but she believes sex shouldn't be scheduled. Nothing seems to work. Am I being unreasonable? Living like this is causing me to feel tense, confused, rejected, and making lose my concentration.

by Ondina Nandine Hatvany, MFT on 04 Feb, 2011 Health Specialist Bio View Therapist Qualifications

This sounds very frustrating! I am wondering if there is any history of sexual abuse or molestation? There could be so many reasons for the lack of sexual initiating or responsiveness I would recommend couples counseling to really be able to address the underlying negative dynamics. I can be reached on my confidential office line (415) 381-1065 for an intial free telephone consultation which usually takes about 15 minutes.   All my Best Ondina