Hello.I'm 20 and in my first serious relationship of around 6 months.I've noticed some things I think might mean I have rocd(relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder).1)I love my boyfriend and he's great,but I always catch myself thinking about cheating,just out of blue, from time to time. 2)when he's simply talking to me sometimes I feel very distant and irritated, and completely unable to pay attention.I catch myself having doubts about our relationship all the time. 3)When I came to visit him and he met me in the airport,first hour I felt like 'What the hell am i doing here I don't even care about him'.Luckily, it dissapeared with time. 4)We get along very well,but I keep on reminding myself we're going to break up anyway since we're from different countries and he'll have to go at some point, cause his studies finish sooner than mine. .
SOmetiems I get frustrated i fell in love just because I felt grateful that someone paid attention to me and fell in love with me because it never really happened to me before this.I get mad at myself for thinking bad about him and feel guilty cause I have no reason to dump him or cheat on him.
I also noticed that everytime I fall in love/am in a relationship of some sort I start doing those ritualistic things like relying on fortuneteling, horoscopes, psychology articles and stupid stuff like that just to make myself feel like everything's going to be alright.You can't believe how much time I've wasted on this.Up to several hours a day when I'm bored.It's driving me nuts although by the end of the day I know I don't believe in this.it just makes me feel secure..
I also have those rituals like "if a phone calls the answer is yes" or "If he says something now I'll do it".I was always unable to make decisions.Once I couldn't decide if i wanted to go to a park for at least half an hour.I kept changing my mind every 5 minutes and driving everyone crazy.I'm afraid that I always need someone telling me what to do.
I'm sorry it's so long but my main question is could i have rocd or maybe i' just a little weird? :) thanks a lot..